Because saying goodbye only happens
once.
I never should have tried to twist fate
Only for the witches
Or is it innocent dreams
Backup the white train
Once more but not even close
Little bird,
I want you to know
You are the reason I have courage
To be myself
Whatever isn’t broken
Can’t be fixed
U fixed it whatever kept me from
The me I now will always be.
The me I was meant to be.
I’m sorry I confused you
For someone who would carry me
Instead you tuck me in goodnight
And I’m whole.
Stuck in between
Like squishing in the middle seat
In between all I ever loved
And all I never was.
Sit up little soul,
Take off the black
Let him go into his little world
please be happy for him
Stay here, stuck in revolving hell
And the chaos of two paths
You never should have been on.
Choose for me, worn out soul
Less i die wanting.
And so,
If you ever
think of it, or it sometimes
Crosses your mind when you smell
Earl grey tea or see psych books
Or eat cupcakes that I was there
To protect you, from the monsters
That you couldn’t see
Then maybe you’ll know why
And then we can put it behind us
And one day you’ll thank me
for all the times I didnt eat
Or took heat or glances or lies
To see what you couldn’t see
Not because I blame you
Or want you to give me anything
Except maybe a good word and
Someday I’ll be walking by some cafe
Where they only sell drinks named after
Poets, or old men…
And I’ll say nothing
And one last time just
Acknowledge that I existed
For a small moment as warrior
of the light, and not the dark.
Waking up to this life I never thought
Could love
I walk up to you as if I’m finding myself
All over again
His voice, his long shaggy hair
Brown shirt or black
Ironing boards of wars before
And you say you know me
Like really know me
And I know that it will never matter
again
What he said what she does
Somewhere down the hill across the tracks
Past the Forrest of confusion is another town
here self discovery, body discovery
19th street or was is the White House with green shutters
Either way I love you as I loved my first
Somehow in all the chaos and lies and fucked up acid trips
And all the clouds of smoke
I see as clearly as day
That I was and will
remain a mystery
of when I dug the biggest canyon to avpid delaing with
that which was the most important thing
and so now that I know what
made me change, does it change your mind.
or I will I always be this,
sad eyed once in a lifetime
and what does that mean for all of them,
were they just victims, of my lost soul,
did you ever think all of that would
come from one broken heart?
I’ve gone to moment I met you and walked away thousand times
I’d bring up every stone you throwed at me and and build a wall so you can stay out
Even with 100000 people who agree with you
You know I know,
Secrets out
Mr high and mighty
Serenade me to heaven
And then tell me I belong in hell.
Time stops
Looking through glass
Mirrors
Like silloutes of days before
I never felt this
This
Sheltered from rough
Life
Lustfully
Gifts and grace
We take for granted
Like the time I was your
Muse
And now I’m back on the shelf
Used, old, second hand
Unwanted,
Fall down my cheeks like razor blades
Can’t cut, can’t die
Can’t sleep, shadows in my room
Dark shadows of hallowed eyes
And hallowed out heart
You hand back to me
Irreplaceable
He says to be known fully
And I have to listen
If I don’t I’ll keep needing this
Only in his eyes
Not His eyes
he sees the glass
While He catches tears
he doesn’t know
I’m still made in His image
And he can’t stop the pain
While He created the way
God wins
He had this crazy way of making something you should hate be something you cant be without. Intensely like fire.
So when I tell your his was all one sided I dont care and it doesn’t matter. Because it was real for me. And when I’m finally letting this all go and I’m sitting there watching rain drops fall and finally the tears of loss of never returning to him or home I felt all of a sudden for a minute free
Free like 17 free like her. But I think I let him trapped. Trapped in the fire. And there is no way I will ever be a me to put it out.
Dont tell me that it’s only looking
cause only looking sends normal girls
into bathroom stalls with acid
in their lungs
from puking what’s supposed to be energy
to pick up her little brother from school
sorry Sam won’t be in the class today
she’s too busy in the mental ward
cause starvation made her lose
her mind
but that’s okay she looks good in cyber space
makes his pants all warm inside
dont tell me lust isn’t a sin
cause once you go down that
path you lose
csuse she cant take it
but you know everyone else
does it
everyone else pukes their guts out
to your likes
trust me it’s not fake
its a reality
you really can look like a filtered picture
starve yourself so we can see your ribs
starve your soul
starve anything but his lust
no sam hes not the problem
the cuts on your wrist are
go home guys
there is no need anymore
for your excuses
It’s just another hand me down
half love day
another her
you say yes it’s you now
but it’s not
unless of course I’m 2
then we are good
the second I cant find the time
or cortisol slips up
here I am
half way through 1000 cals
and I can take it all
but you then with your
I love you babes
and treat me right
look good
wear size 2
youre the reason
girls end up dead on the side of
roads or end up in hospital beds
the only way to add up to her
is to be better
it’s all war and u were inside
and I cant stop thinking about it
please lord tell them
this isn’t a game
it’s all set up so u dont fail
and then you do
and then it multiplies
the demons the lies
and you’re stuck in
the phrase you are forgiven but…
but you will live with his sins
and hers
and that will lead you to yours.
It only takes a minute
to ruin
a moment
to end a lifetime
stolen kisses
wrong timing
too confused
to stop it.
Pause.
Fast forward.
rewind,
whatever direction we go
we cant take it back
press fast forward until the
pain ends.
I’ll hold the rewind button
and consecutively
in unison
we will find a way
out of this painful truth
.
Beauty For Ashes Praise For Heaviness 